Adoption is an ever changing thing. Nothing is ever guaranteed. I have recently heard that my time to travel to Ethiopia post-referral will most likely increase from 8 weeks to 12-16. Time from now until referral will still most likely be 6-8 months. But, due to changes in the process, the time from referral (when I get matched with my baby) until the time I travel to Ethiopia has increased. Unfortunately, this means more time for all of the kids to be in care centers. Not the healthiest of environments, even in the best situation. They don't have just one person there to love, hold, play, and respond to them. This causes developmental delays (usually which catch up extremely quickly following placement) and potentially more difficulties with attachment.
More about attachment in the weeks to come. I plan on sharing lots of info I have with everyone. It is something I didn't really know or think about until I started educating myself about adoption. I want all of you to know about it as well. I will want you to know why I am parenting a little differently than I would a biological child. For example, I will be giving my child a "time in" (time with me), rather than a time out. Kids (even babies) have been abandoned. They need to learn that I will respond to their needs. That I will not abandon them. Also, I get to rock my baby to sleep every night!!! There has been a trend in pediatrics and parenting in the past few years to teach babies and children how to "self soothe"--to teach them to put themselves to sleep. With adoption, again this is a bonding and nurturing time. My baby will learn that I will be there when they go to sleep and be there to meet their needs as soon as they wake up. I was so excited to hear this! I can actually nurture my child and not feel guilty about it. Or that I am being a "bad" parent. Also, it will be important for my child to learn who exactly their mom is. They will learn this by mom being the only one to hold, diaper, feed, soothe baby. At least for the first several months. I will be providing the evidence for this. I don't want those of you close to me to think I'm some type of psycho mama! Like I said, it's a little bit different way of parenting. If my child would return with me and I would have 3 other people changing their diapers, holding them, getting up in the night with them, how would they learn which person is the parent? It would be confusing to them. But, I will definitely need help during this time, and not just the first week home. My mom plans to stay with me for the first week. After that, my dad will hopefully visit once/week to help me out with some things. I hope that all of you will visit during this time, perhaps we'll keep it to about 4 people at a time, ok? I will be asking for lots of help for lots of different reasons. Like the saying goes, "it takes a village". I would like to believe that. Or, I guess, I hope lots of other people believe that, in their heart as well! Things I may need help with: mowing the lawn and shoveling snow, laundry, cooking, getting groceries, walking Buck, doing errands. Yes, if you offer to help, I will take you up on it!
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