my day

I didn't have the greatest day today. I cried all morning, went to work and managed to not cry for 7.5 hours and then was lucky enough to go home early. I feel like this is it. I feel like my world is crumbling.

I wasn't able to function very well at work. I'm sure my co-workers are wondering about my laziness, distraction, and my poor mood. Gosh I hate that and I'm terribly sorry. I'm trying my hardest to not let the rest of my life affect my work, but it is. It never has like this before.

I'm grieving. I feel like Ethiopia is breaking my heart. Just like so many men have done. They have disappointed me. One more commitment broken. Just when I was again trusting people and letting them into my life, I feel it is all being taken away. If this adoption doesn't happen, I will not only be losing the opportunity to be a mother, but a culture, a fabulous group of friends, and a way of life.

The real deal is, I don't have any facts on my personal situation for sure. CHS will most likely do everything they can to advocate for all single women. I don't know for sure what will happen. I could have my referral in a few weeks and travel in April. But, something in my gut says that just isn't going to happen for me. I am desperately hoping that my gut is wrong!

Right now, you may ask what you can do? Please pray and ask your god to give me peace first of all and secondarily to allow Ethiopia to allow me to become a mother.